Domestic violence is everyone’s business.

On Friday night February 12, 2016, a horrifying murder took place in Plymouth, Minnesota. Shortly after 9:00 PM, Trisha Nelson either jumped out or was pushed out of the SUV she was riding in.  Trisha ran out into the intersection of Northwest Boulevard and Rockford Road, desperately seeking assistance and escape. Corey chased Trisha down in the SUV as she attempted to flee on foot, and opened fire on her with a gun. In front of stunned and fearful witnesses, after shooting her, witness report that Corey proceeded to run her down with his vehicle. At least a dozen shots were fired. Corey then fled the scene leaving the woman he professed to love, crushed and lifeless, in the street. Corey fled to the apartment he had shared with Trisha, a few miles away. Several people also called the police from the apartment complex to report a man with a gun. When police arrived, gunshots were exchanged. Corey Perry was shot and killed, although at the time, it was not clear if he was struck by police bullets, or if he took his own life. He was wearing tactical gear and was in possession of multiple weapons.

Listed below are some news accounts of what happened and it would be helpful to read a few of them, especially the last one on the list, that talks about mental health, domestic violence, and gun laws.

Police: Man shot woman fleeing from car in Plymouth, Minn.

2 Dead, Multiple Officers Injured At Separate Plymouth Crime Scenes

Plymouth police chief: Gunman shot woman who fled their car

Witness Describes ’20 Seconds of Terror’ at Plymouth Intersection 

RAW VIDEO: Plymouth Shooting News Conference 

Man, Woman Killed in Plymouth Shooting Planned to Marry   

Attorney IDs dead shooter, victim in Plymouth violence

Plymouth slaying victim had a controlling partner, friends say 

After tragedy, woman tackles domestic violence

Plymouth Woman’s Death Sparks Discussion of Domestic Violence, Gun Laws

Both Corey Perry and Trisha Nelson were 28 years old.  Perry’s family says he legally owned a hand-gun and had a permit, while police are investigating why a convicted felon had guns and ammunition in the first place. Perry was convicted in 2014 of making terroristic threats, and therefore could not legally own a firearm. Perry’s family also claim that Corey suffered from a multitude of untreated mental disorders. The night this horrible event took place, Corey Perry had been out with his brother and father drinking at a bar, despite being on probation (and according to Perry’s attorney, Perry may have felt this was a probation violation). A verbal altercation with possibly his father and an employee where they had been drinking, led him to call Trisha to come pick him up at the bar. Alcohol and agitation….certainly did not help this any.

It does not matter if Corey Perry was a legal gun owner prior to his felony conviction. After his conviction, all guns and ammunition should have been removed from his possession, in compliance with the law. Trying to excuse a brutal and public murder by playing the “mental illness” card does not squeeze one drop of sympathy from me for Corey Perry…..especially when his family further states the relationship between Corey and Trisha was NOT violent and his lawyer says he was such a NICE guy.  There are people out there with first-hand knowledge about this couple, that would paint the exact opposite view-point of Corey Perry.

Simply put,  a convicted felon with a (supposed) history of mental illness…..should NOT have a gun, ever. This is what happens when you “look the other way” and allow situations to occur, that should not. Corey Perry should have never had a gun. Corey Perry should have been under the care of a mental health professional, if he was indeed ill. His family knew he had guns. His family says he was mentally ill.  They did nothing, except bring it up after the fact.

Perry’s family had further indicated that they bear no ill-will toward the police in regard to the death of their son. Honestly, who cares? Whether they harbor ill-will or not,  does not matter. Either way, the police did their jobs by neutralizing an armed, deranged man. Further, two police officers suffered injuries during the exchange of gun fire with Perry, but both are going to be OK.

 Corey Perry went out drinking that night. He was wearing a tactical vest. He was carrying a gun. AS A CONVICTED FELON. He chased Trisha down with the SUV. He fired multiple bullets at her. He shot her. He struck her with a vehicle. He killed her. He fled the scene. Went home. Engaged the police in gunfire. And he’s now dead. And we’re somehow supposed to feel sorry for him? How’s that, again?

I despair at how so many people just don’t want to get involved. If you know a friend, a family member, a co-worker, a neighbor…..who has a gun in their possession when they should NOT have one (convicted felon), the best thing you can do is to turn them in, or see to it personally that they properly dispose of their weapons. If someone you love suffers from mental illness, help them get the help they need. Encourage them to see a doctor and/or counselor. If they cannot afford one, help them find medical services and counseling services for the under-privileged.  Most counties have at least one place that can help folks with no money. Don’t blame horrible decisions on mental illness after the fact, if it isn’t true, and don’t let it go untreated, if it is true.  The right help and the right time can save lives.

If you are in an abusive relationship here is a some info to help you find your way out. http://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Even if you have no where to go, even if you have no money. You can get out.

If you witness abuse and domestic violence…..CALL THE POLICE. Get involved. Make that call. You might save someone’s life. 

I despair at the commentary I see on social media about cases like this, and about this one in particular. I saw judgement on Trisha’s appearance. I read judgement as to why “she stayed” among other things. Asking questions like “How did this happen?” or “Why didn’t she just leave?”. I saw the conversation turn into a total fiasco about “Obama-Care” and “gun control” and race-baiting……sleazy little Internet Trolls spreading their misery everywhere they go. 

While Corey Perry’s family said the relationship between Perry and Nelson was not violent, I suspect that it was no bed of roses, for it to end so brutally and for the whole world to witness. It smacks of long-term anger and violence. It may have been going on behind closed doors, there may have been some indication outwardly that things were not quite right…..but I highly doubt this was a problem-free relationship.

Friends of Trisha actually DO paint a very different picture:

Those who knew her best say a long history of domestic abuse between Nelson and Corey Perry, her partner of about seven years, preceded the events that unfolded Friday night, ending with a rampage that left both dead.
 
“He was not a good guy,” said her friend Alexa Nelson, who is not related. “She was going back and forth a lot because she really cared about him and it’s not that easy to pack up and leave.”
 
Perry was controlling, and verbally and emotionally abusive, Nelson’s friends and family said.
 

The 28-year-old straddled the line between leaving Perry or giving him another chance, but threats of killing himself and their 12 pets often scared her into staying.

Quoted from: http://www.startribune.com/plymouth-slaying-victim-was-sweet-soul-who-fell-victim-to-controlling-partner/368885761/

There are  a lot of reasons why a person will stay in a relationship when they are abused. Please visit the DOMESTIC ABUSE PROJECT web site to learn more about this here: Compelling Reasons Women Stay 

It is not as easy as one may think, to pack up and leave.

A woman may fear her partner’s actions if she leaves.

  • My partner said he will hunt me down and kill me.
  • My partner will kidnap the children and disappear.
  • My partner will take my passport and immigration papers.
  • My partner will spread horrible rumors about me.
  • She will “out” me at work or to my family.
  • My partner will have me deported or report me to the INS.
  • My partner will stop the processing of my Green Card.

 

The effects of abuse may make it difficult to leave.

  • I’m nothing. I don’t deserve better.
  • I feel paralyzed.
  • I can’t face making decisions anymore.
  • I was brainwashed to believe that I couldn’t cope without my partner.
  • I am so used to life being this way.
  • I’m more comfortable with what I know, than the unknown out in the world.

 

A woman may have concerns about her children.

  • My children will blame me and resent me.
  • The kids need a father.
  • She will tell my ex-spouse or authorities that I am a lesbian so they will take the kids.
  • Children need a “real family”.
  • My partner will steal the children.
  • My partner will kill the children.
  • My partner will turn the children against me.
  • She is the biological mother; I have no legal rights.

 

A partner’s attempts to isolate a woman may make it difficult for her to leave or get help.

  • My partner doesn’t let me out of the house.
  • I have no friends to call for help anymore.
  • My partner doesn’t let me take English classes so I can’t communicate with anyone.
  • If I ever tell anyone about this, my partner will kill me.
  • My sister said I couldn’t come and stay with her anymore, after the last time…
  • My partner said he or she would teach my friend a lesson if I go over there again.
  • My partner hides my wheelchair so I cannot leave the house.

 

A woman’s personal history may have shaped her attitude toward abuse in relationships.

  • My father beat my mom – it just goes with being in a relationship.
  • Getting hit isn’t the worst thing that can happen in a family – I know of worse things.
  • I have seen a lot of violence in my country so violence has become normal for me.
  • My parents never gave up on one another.

 

A woman may be deeply attached to her partner and hope for change.

  • I believe my partner when he or she says that it will never happen again.
  • My partner promised to go to therapy.
  • I cherish the sex and intimacy.
  • My partner is really loving towards me most of the time.
  • My marriage vows.
  • My religion.
  • I love her or him.

 

Some women are taught that it is their job to maintain the relationship and support their partners, so they may feel guilty about leaving or feel they have “failed.”

  • I will ruin his or her life if I leave.
  • My partner will have nowhere to go.
  • My partner will lose her or his job if I report this.
  • My partner tells me the system does not support non-citizens.
  • My partner will start drinking again.
  • I will disappoint my family.  I can’t admit my relationship is a failure.
  • I am afraid the deaf community will reject me.
  • I have to take care of him or her.
  • She or he wouldn’t hurt me if I were better at keeping up the house.

 

Women may be economically dependent on their partners or their partners may be economically dependent on them.

  • My partner has all the money.
  • I’ve never had a good job.  How would I take care of my kids alone?
  • I have no work experience in this country.
  • It’s better to be beaten up at home than to be out on the streets.
  • My partner won’t let me send any money overseas.
  • My disability does not enable me to work.
  • I’d rather die than be on welfare.
  • My partner forces me to work and then takes all my money.
  • My partner charges up all my credit cards.
  • My partner can’t work – he depends on me to support him.

 

Our culture sends the message that a woman’s value depends on her being in a relationship.  Women without partners tend to be devalued.

I believe in Trisha’s case, that part of this was true:

“Up to 65% of pet-owning women will delay leaving an abusive home because they are afraid of what will happen to their beloved pets if they leave. Domestic violence doesn’t just effect women and children. Pets become victims of domestic violence everyday. Victims shouldn’t have to make the terrible choice between leaving to save themselves and leaving their pets behind with an abusive partner.

There are 1,500 shelters for battered women in the United States and 3,800 animal shelters. Three to four million women are beaten in their homes each year by their husbands, ex-husbands, or partners. With so few domestic violence shelters having the ability to accommodate pets, victims often feel like they only have two options when it comes to their animals: leave them behind, or remain with their pets and subject themselves, their children, and their pets to continued abuse.”

Quoted from: https://theanimalrescuesite.greatergood.com/store/ars/item/71667/build-a-safe-haven-for-the-pets-of-domestic-violence-victims

 I want to talk about Trisha Nelson now.

trish1

Trisha Nelson

Trisha Nelson was 28 years old. She owned a gorgeous, elderly cat named Tabitha…..and Tabitha was also diabetic and required specialized care. Trisha also owned five Iguanas, one of whom even has his own Facebook page. His name is Dulap. She worked at Caterpillar Inc. and dedicated time, resources and expertise to Resource for Iguana Care and Adoption

Trisha liked tattoos and body piercing…..not so much as something to have shock value……but as a form of art and self-expression. She liked rock-climbing. She liked heavy metal music. She liked the movies “The Lion King” and “The Adventures of Milo and Otis”

Trisha loved her pets dearly and cared for them well. Trisha was an amazing friend (I have spoken to a number of people who knew her personally, face-to-face). She was dedicated. She was a hard worker. She had big dreams. 

Trisha DESERVED so much more from life than to be shot with a gun and run down by an SUV, to be left broken and dead, on the street.

12743612_1124946650863250_7008038068134818734_n

Trisha and Dulap

559979_102441586565794_1249838999_n

Tabitha

There are a few things that we as a community, can do for Trisha now. Her family is making arrangements for Tabitha the cat. However, Trisha’s five Iguanas, are now in the care of Resource for Iguana Care and Adoption where they are being fostered. They were also checked by a vet. to make sure they are OK (they were in the apartment when the shootout with police occurred). Donations may be made to “RICA” to help with the care of Trisha’s pets by clicking on the donation button at the top of the official web site. My personal finances are very limited, but I made a small donation. If lots of people made a small donation….that would add up quickly.

There is a “GO FUND ME” set up to help raise funds toward Trisha’s funeral, and here is the information: Funeral Fund for Trisha Nelson 

Finally, the most important thing we can do to honor Trisha Nelson is to get involved. Make things our business. To report any abuse that we see immediately. To help those we know that are having problems (like struggling with mental illness). To not look the other way when a loved one violates their probation, or worse, participate in that violation as if it’s no big deal. It is a big deal. To educate ourselves about domestic violence so we can treat those it has been perpetrated upon with the care and respect they deserve as human beings. No more lo0king the other way. No more telling ourselves we don’t want to get involved. No more telling others it’s nobody’s business. Make it our business before the Corey Perrys of the world remove all our options to make a difference.

TRISHA NELSON’S OBITUARY AND FUNERAL INFORMATION

TrishaNelson

Trisha Nelson

(Added by me on Wednesday 2/17/16:) Trisha Nelson had family and friends in her life that loved her beyond measure, and encouraged her to get away from Corey. They love her, and always will. They miss her. They are hurting. They need to be assured that they did all that they could, and that none of this is their fault whatsoever, and they are doing all they can to honor Trisha now. Too many people just don’t understand that leaving an abusive relationship is not as easy as opening a door and walking away. The flip-side of this is……I will never excuse those who try to diminish a brutal act of murder by explaining it away as a momentary lapse in mental capacity.

FACEBOOK USERS! Trisha’s friend, Alexa, has written a wonderful post about Trisha and you can read it on Facebook HERE 

12734195_1718034211796890_7214091928059523151_n

Written by Tanya Fure, Trisha Nelson’s sister.

Save

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “Domestic violence is everyone’s business.

  1. Wonderfully written, Maria, and I totally agree with your words. What a beautiful woman. How heartbreaking and tragic that her life was ended so horribly. Hugs and love to all her friends ❤️

  2. Wow that’s a powerful story. So sorry four the loss of a great woman. Domestic violence is a huge ordeal and needs to stop.

  3. Hi there, I am Trish’s best friend and would love to put my 2 cents in for any and all articles written about her. Know I was trying to help her and yes, he threatened to kill her pets and himself. I wrote a long post about this on my fb wall, feel free to take a look or contact me. I loved and cared for her very much and I’m taking care of figuring out what to do with her pets and pet related belongings. All pets are safe now. If anyone wants to help please make a donation to RICA.

    • Hi Alexa. I hope the additional information edited in today helps to clarify things better. Please let me know if anything else needs to be added, edited…..and I’m very sorry that I made people feel things I never intended. Thank you for letting me know how you feel, and for your guidance. Please accept my apologies. ~~Maria

      EVERYONE – as Alexa said in her comment, and as I did in my blog…..anyone wishing to help toward the care of Trisha’s beloved pets may make a donation at Resource for Iguana Care and Adoption in St. Paul, Minnesota and their web site is here: http://www.iguanaresource.org/ (you can donate online or by mail)

  4. Thank you for spreading this awareness and sharing such a tragic loss of life. As a domestic violence survivor, we need more people to show sympathy and awareness for domestic abuse and the victims of it. I have so ofyen heard people with no understanding blame the victim – and with domestic abuse, It is never the victim’s fault. It is society’s fault for making victims feel ashamed and embarrassed to be transparent about the abuse they are suffering. Rest peacefully, Trish.

  5. I went to school with Trisha, 17 years and never expected this, domestic violence has never hit so close to home for me but I can say due to this I will speak out for the ones I see in need of help… She was such a free spirit and she describing her in the article couldn’t be more true. She didn’t deserve what happened, I honestly can not think of a time she ever hurt anyone. I hope everyone stops making excuses for him, there is no excuse for him. Rest in Paradise Trisha!

  6. I do not support Corey! He most definitely had it coming after an act like that! It’s unfortunate it couldn’t have been in a reverse order of things, like starting off at the apartments that night with the police call! Then this poor woman would still be here! But honestly there are so many things unanswered! Doesn’t seem like the parents should be held accountable for it in my opinion! Did Corey’s parents know he was a felon? Did he get convicted and say ” hey mom and dad, I’m a felon now” Did Corey “tell” his parents he legally owned a gun, when he possibly didn’t? Maybe his parents believed what they were “told” by their son was true! Many people with mental illness are clever in the way that they can make things appear differently then they actually are! Maybe he was able to pull the wool over his parents eyes portraying he had a decent relationship with his girlfriend, to gain their approval! Maybe his parents suffered mental illness a lot of the same? Regardless, this was a 28 year old man! You can’t exactly force him to get mental health care! You can’t cure crazy, you can only control it to a certain extent! Unfortunally the person that is suffering mental illness has to be willing to get the help that they need, even with a well guided hand! Did Corey’s parents know the extent of his mental illness? Or did they just label him for the obvious? Did Corey have a medical record with him being clinically labeled as mentally ill? You can’t just make a call in and say “I think my kids a nut job, and he shouldn’t have a gun” who can legally act on that? Is there factual documentation on his mental health available to those who “could/should have tried to help” or allowed him to “legally” get guns in his procession? Can hipaa laws make these things more difficult to confirm? Or can certain things be confirmed with a situation like this? If so, when he got the felony why didn’t anyone with authority step in and check if he owned a gun , and then go from there? Even if they could go to his home, do you think he would willingly admit he had a gun in his procession and just hand it over? I’m guessing no! Do you believe a guy with this kind of mentality wouldn’t be able to get his hands on other guns if he wanted? I mean what did he have to lose at this point right? Women talk to their friends/family more, it makes sence that they were aware of the abuse going on, especially since this was probably a cry for help on her end! She probably wanted to get away, but was beyond scared, and so badly manipulated that she only wanted to believe the good stuff that he displayed at times! I mean, it’s not an task to try and understand a mentally sick person, the brainwash becomes very real! It’s especially hard “if” your a caregiver in the relationship, because the caregiver always has that hope of fixing the person! The entire thing is a vicious circle of ongoing events! Questioning why a 28 year old guys family didn’t do more, only makes similar questions arise “why did her loved ones do more” ? There are resources available for victims to hide away and get help as well! But that’s all just easier said then done, because now the victim is suffering a mental battle, and only they can agree to get help, even with a helping hand! Why didn’t her loved ones call authorities on Corey? They heard his threats from her, some possibly first hand! Were they scared to lose her as a friend? I would rather lose a friend by doing the right thing having no regrets, then to ignore what they knew, and lose a friend from a domestic violence crime! There are so many things that take place, and only so many things that others can do to help, without the people involved pulling their weight! I knew an old lady that was abused by her very own daughter, she knew she was mentally ill, but the daughter wouldn’t get treatment no matter how much convincing was taking place! The mother was well aware that her mental state wasn’t normal, as her daughter tapped into he phone lines to hear her conversations, played mind games with her mom that made her mom fear her, threatened her safety! But still at the same time of all these things, she felt responsible as her mother because she hadn’t tried to get her diagnosed as a child, hoping her weird behavior would pass, but it didn’t! This poor wheelchair bound mother dealt with things that she shouldn’t have had to, her phones were tapped at times, things went missing, threats came regular, etc.. And now her daughter was married to a felon whom she was some how able to legally get him a stash of firearms in her name! I. Assuming since she didn’t have a medical diagnose at that time of multiple personalities, and some other things! This poor mother tried to tell authorities she feared her safety, and that her “felon son in law’ had guns he had access to curtiousy of her daughter! They were also accessible to a teen son who did have mental disorders on record! This elderly lady tried to convince the police to search her home because there was a daycare there in Minneapolis! They weren’t able to do anything like that! Hennepin county did say he couldn’t “live” with her as long as she had a daycare! So she pretend had him “move out” and get a cheap apartment for show! After this elderly lady passed away, she was still haunted by her sick daughter and don in law! They went to the morgue and took pictures of he naked body, and showed turn off!, they arrived at the funeral stating the shirt the elderly lady was buried in was hers, because she just kept it at her moms! It gets crazier, she had WILL with her last wishes, not to include her daughter specifically, it was all written up by an attorney, and clearly stated that she had no rights to her stuff at all! Well her daughter managed to get a court hearing to fight it since she was the “daughter’ the daughter had the case carried out for almost 3 years after the death, and was granted a large part of the estate that went against this women’s dying wishes! So even that is proof that the laws are broken, and that the people that should be punished aren’t, it’s the innocent people that are! You would think with a WILL, an attorney to back up her wishes, mentioning of the mental health, and felony couple that owned a stash of guns, the outcome would have came out better! But it didn’t! There was one point that this poor elderly lady that was wheelchair bound, found out that they were storing their guns at her home for awhile without her knowledge because they were worried about a possible discovery from the Minneapolis police entering their home when investigating her husbands whereabouts while running a home daycare! The point is, these mentally unstable people can always pull some strings/ wool over the eyes of the innocent to get what they want through manipulation, crime, and whatever else that is needed! Gun laws don’t apply to them, as they will always find a way to get them! It sucks! But it’s reality! I agree with you that we need to educate people more with all the signs of abuse, before they are to sucked in to return to a healthy state, or are killed!

      • Convicted felons definitely should not have guns and people need to understand that buying a gun for someone who isn’t legally allowed to have them is not only foolishly aiding and abetting a criminal but also a felony in itself.
        There is some talk that Trisha also had a carry permit but evidently she wasn’t carrying that day which is too bad.
        One thing that should be questioned is whether the Hennipen County Sheriffs Department did their job and followed up with making sure all of Corey’s guns were confiscated. It’s a something police fail to do way too often.

      • Thank you Maria for speaking out on this important subject. I shudder to think of how many abusers are legal gun owners and the lives they privately destroy- until something like this happens.

  7. I started reading this article, fully expecting to hear the regular “gun control is the answer!” rhetoric – because, more laws will solve all of our problems, right?

    Thank you for delving deeper into what the actual, real problem(s) were/are, because without a real discussion, free of rhetoric, we’ll never make any measurable progress reducing gun violence.

    I’m honestly surprised that the family isn’t being charged with something. If they’re admitting to having known that he, as a felon, had firearms and chose not to do anything about it, they’re guilty of… something. Abetting, perhaps?

    It will be interesting to hear what the police find out regarding how he acquired firearms. I also find it interesting that the family says he had a permit. Carry permit? Purchase permit? Either way, as a felon, the background check process involved with getting either of those should have prevented him from getting the permit. There’s also the additional background check done when purchasing a firearm which I would have expected to catch this.

    If the system failed, this will be the second documented case (that I’m aware of – I’m sure there are others) where someone who should have not made it through the system was able to “legally” acquire a firearm and ultimately use it in a murder (the other one I’m aware of is Dylann Roof).

    As a “gun nut” (I prefer “firearm enthusiast”), I take these issues seriously, because I know that in order to preserve my sport & hobby, we need to make changes to prevent people like Corey Perry from ever getting their hands on a firearm. From what you’ve reported in this article, there were many opportunities for someone to intervene and prevent this from happening, but no one decided to take that step, and now Trisha is dead because of it.

    • Hi Matt, thanks for reading, and leaving your thoughts. I hope follow-up on this story is published in the newspapers. I too, am quite interested in what the investigation will ultimately reveal and conclude. I am a military veteran and gun owner myself, and fully support responsible, legal gun ownership.

    • Matt according to MN law the minute he was charged his permit to carry was null and all of his guns should have been confiscated but often the police don’t follow up on inspecting the home to ensure no guns are in the felons possession.
      Then there is the possibility a family member or friend did a straw purchase for some reason or another. As gun owners all we can do is make sure we don’t break the law and call out those who do. Personally I kind of think if the person is too dangerous to be in possession of a weapon they may be too dangerous to be out of the street.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s